Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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