i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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