I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
