Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
