Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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