yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
