I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
