Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
