my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
