I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
