they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
