There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
