the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
