How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
being pregnant is like rehab
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
