just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
