She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
