the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
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You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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