That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
