I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
