Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
