Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
false alarm, still single
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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