Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
