Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
