His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im six kinds of drunk right now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
