Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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