im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
