a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
