I am spending my child support on dildos
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
