My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
