seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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