I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
