Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
