I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
