ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
