take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
