He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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