i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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