look no pants
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
