Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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