At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
