i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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