so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
