I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
