she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
