16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
