i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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