I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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