I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
