i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
