just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
