I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
