worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
