I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
