She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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