I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
