First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
