dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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