Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
