What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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