where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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