so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
