When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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